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7 hours ago
Public Service Announcement:
A recent study has indicated that yarns give off certain pheromones that hypnotize susceptible men and women causing them to purchase ungodly amounts of yarn. When stored in large quantities in enclosed spaces, the pheromones in the yarn causes memory loss and induce the gathering syndrome, similar to the one squirrels have before the onset of winter.
Sound tests have also revealed that these yarns emit a very high-pitched sound heard only by a select few, known as stitchers. When played backward, the sounds are heard as chants...'Buy me! Knit me! Crochet me!' Furthermore, pheromones seem to cause a pathological need to secret the yarn purchases away when one takes them home and blend them into the existing stash. When asked by a significant other if the yarn is new, the reply is, "oh, I've had it for a while!"
In order to overcome the so-called feeding frenzy effect that these yarns cause, one must wear a face mask when entering a storage facility or craft store, and use ear plugs to avoid being pulled into the hypnotic grip. It is also beneficial to enter these facilities without the presence of cash or credit cards.
Sadly, the addictive qualities of this compulsive behavior are cumulative, and are ameliorated only by the purchase of more and more and more yarn.
No cure is known at this time.